I have been scared, even terrified to the point of fainting before. But nothing prepared me for how I would feel walking into the courthouse.
Smiling bravely, I grabbed my pink briefcase off the security belt and took a deep breath. Goddess, please let everything I learned on LegalZoom.com be legit!!
So many thoughts went through my head. I was sweating just thinking about being in the same room with him (the last time we saw each other was February 21st). But now wasn’t the time. You see, I didn’t have the luxury of just showing up after a long shift at work and letting someone else handle the case. No, I had 24hrs to become a divorce lawyer. . .and to borrow clothes from my friend so I looked the part!Shutting down as much emotion as possible, I entered the lobby. Since we weren’t allowed to have our phones (brutal!!!) I began journaling:
August 10th, 10:15am
There he is. Sitting there in his pressed shirt and his military style hair cut.
I’m literally shaking.
Ms. McDaniel is with him and his lawyer.
I’m by myself. . .but I’m not alone.
I think about how Ms. McDaniel was with me when I miscarried. She held my hand as I silently wept while the doctor pulled my baby from my body.
I wonder if they know they are over-prepared. That I’m self-represented. That I didn’t want any of this. Why is he doing this? Surely he doesn’t need the money??
My heart has slowed a little.
God. . .just don’t let me cry – or pass out!! I’m trying to think of calming things; my nieces. . .the moon over the ocean. . .
(Looks up and sees “Remove Chewing Gum” sign on the courtroom door. . .crap!)
I wish I knew what he wanted from me. . .